Today’s blog is a far leap from the enthusiasm and joy of yesterday’s entry. This blog post has lived inside my heart for almost eight years now and it’s finally time to release it out into the world. The life events that shape us into who we become are often messy but I think it’s important to reflect on the life changes that have set our feet upon the path we are traveling. There are deep lessons when we can learn to embrace the most painful moments we face. September 4th, 2016 will mark the eighth year since losing my sweet son Jarod, age 20, in a tragic car accident. It was horrible. I’ve spent the years since learning how to breathe again.
The death of a child is also the death of a dream. The dreams you had for the life you thought you’d share with them. It’s the loss of the daughter-in-law you thought would one day come along…the grandchildren that will never be born. And yes, the tears still flow daily. But that’s not where the story has to end. With the passing of time and the love and support of family and friends, we can forge new dreams. The flames that threaten to consume us can be used to soften the hard truth so we can hammer out new plans for a different future. We have the power to choose to do more than survive…..we can thrive. It starts with a journey of self-discovery. It’s about uncovering hidden talents and the passions we all possess deep inside. What value can I bring to the world around me and what medium can I use to accomplish that? The answer is different for everyone, but for me it is all about being creative.
I credit this sweet little cherry cabinet with saving my life that first season without my son. I found it on Craigslist and it was covered in white latex paint that was peeling and bubbling all over. I’m not even sure what possessed me, only one month after losing my son, to even think about buying and restoring a piece of furniture. I suspect it had something to do with trying to get my house in order. In a world where I was powerless to undo what had been done, I could at least control the fate of this little cabinet. I sat on the cold floor of my garage that whole winter, crying, wiping snot and scraping, peeling and sanding away that unwanted white paint. That little cabinet was doing its best to shed what was covering up its inner beauty. With every stroke of the sandpaper, every scrape of my tools, the white paint fell away revealing the glowing nature of the cherry wood beneath. Until now, I did not recognize the symbolism in those actions.
Like a caterpillar in its dark, confined cocoon its beauty was waiting to unfold. Can you see it now? I can…..finally. This little cabinet is just like me. Waiting and wanting to shed what was concealing the beauty inside. The pain and sadness I carry every day is also the impetus to change. It’s the white paint I long to shed. Daily I scrape away the layers to discover what lies beneath. I’m an artist, I’m a writer, I’m a mother, a nurturer, I’m a well of love and compassion waiting to spill out on all the world around me.
You see the little bits of white left in the crevices? Those are intentional. They remind me of where I started in this journey of self-discovery and survival. They are like the scars I carry inside. Without that fathomless pain, I might never have had the need to dig down deep and find my true self. As the layers fall away, I like what I’m seeing. New dreams forged in the fire….
I love levi's and flannel shirts with the sleeves rolled up. I love every opportunity to create unique furniture whether it's simply a repaint or a custom build project.
345 Fairmount Road Statesville NC 28625
Interstate 77 to exit 59 go East on Tomlin Mill Road 8 tenths of a mile, turn right on Fairmount Road, We are 1 mile on the Right.