It's been ten years now. Ten years since I've seen my beautiful boy. Every year I write something to commemorate this sad anniversary but I struggled this year to find words. I spent days waiting for some kind of inspiration. and yet I was bereft of adequate words. I treasure this picture of my sister holding my adorable niece in her lap while her loving arms encircle my son and daughter. This is precious stuff my friends. The memories of what once was, forever captured in a photograph. Memories are the one thing that loss can never steal away from us. Pictures like this are a reminder of a life that was once whole and we can cling to that truth even when times are difficult.
My heart is especially heavy at this time of the year now.....for the last ten years. It's a part of my new reality; that I will always wake up every September 4th to the realization that another year has passed without you son. I pleaded with you to always be careful. I told you many times that if I ever lost you, I would not survive. But we don't get to choose these things, these awful, aching events that come regardless of the many hours we've spent praying, pleading with God to protect you. So I sit here now with tears and coffee....living with just the memories of you to carry me forward. I managed to survive without you because I had no choice. My heart kept on beating, my eyes kept on seeing. My feet, though they still stumble, kept on walking, carrying me forward so I could learn to build a different life than the one I had envisioned. Some days I'm so tired that I struggle just to find breath. I'm whining now.....lying in this rut of sorrow that I've dug for myself. But soon....I'll get back up and get back to the business of building this new life. But I'm going to give myself this day to muddle through this grief because.....a love as big as the one we've shared is worthy of that kind of grief.
This morning I read a post by another blogger who has never had the joy of holding a child and that was what broke the dam...I was reminded of how incredibly fortunate I was to have 20 years with you...holding your hand as you held my heart. I will be forever grateful for those years with you here. It could have been worse...we could have never found each other. Your memory will remain crisp and clear inside my heart. My ears will still ring with the memory of your laughter. I got to see you grow and learn and experience life for those 20 short years....and I wouldn't trade that for anything. You still live within me.....always my beautiful child.
I love levi's and flannel shirts with the sleeves rolled up. I love every opportunity to create unique furniture whether it's simply a repaint or a custom build project.
345 Fairmount Road Statesville NC 28625
Interstate 77 to exit 59 go East on Tomlin Mill Road 8 tenths of a mile, turn right on Fairmount Road, We are 1 mile on the Right.